Meadowlands
by idrivelikeacullen
Summary: This is a companion story to "Don't Worry About It". This story tells of the 'gap' of time that Edward has never talked about. The 'gap' of time that has haunted him since he was released from the Meadowlands Youth Rehabilitaion Facility.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclamer: I do not own Twilight.**

**A/N: So here it is. This first Chapter is super short, but I will have the second one up shortly.**

We were getting married in less than six months. I never thought in a million years that I would find someone that would marry me after the things that I have said and done. I hated myself for how I handled my _situation_. I had been a brooding teenager that thought that the world revolved around him.

Looking back I wished that I would have done things differently, but would I have met Bella if I did? That's quite a question to be asked. Would I be happier if I had not lost my mind when I was only fifteen and listened to my parents? I would probably be in medical school now if my father had gotten what he had wished for. Would I trade my existence now, the one that I had with Bella, to have kept on the straight and narrow and followed the path in life that my father created?

No fucking way.

I would live through all of that misery again, if I could still have Bella in the end.

Throughout our whole relationship I have been afraid that she would see the real me and leave. She had accepted my proposal to be my wife and has told me everyday how much she loves me, but there was a two year gap in my life that she new nothing about.

I've never talked about it to anyone except the shrinks that they assigned to me since my release. My family knew some of the things that had happened over that gap because I was a minor and they had to inform my parents of my progress, or lack there of.

Even after four years, I was still haunted by the memories of that place and the person that I was while I was in there. I had been having a hard time sleeping since Bella had accepted my ring. I had to clear my conscious of these memories before we were married. I had to tell her the whole story and see how she felt about me when I was done. I was terrified that she would be disgusted and never want to see me again, but I owed it to her to let her know who I was, who I had been.

Bella shifted and lifted her head from my shoulder. "Can't sleep again?"

"No"

She leaned on her elbow so that she could see my face better. "You look upset. Are you Ok?" She could always read me. I couldn't hide my feelings from her. She called me out every time.

"I'm fine." I sighed but couldn't look her in the eyes. She noticed.

"I know you Edward Cullen and something is bothering you." She said with that look on her face that meant that she knew that I was thinking about my past. "Maybe you should take one of those sleeping pills the doctor prescribed."

She hopped out of bed and went into the bathroom. After hearing the medicine cabinet open and the sound of a pill bottle being shaken, she came back to bed with a small glass of water and a little white pill in her hand.

"Really, I'm fine." I didn't want the damn sleeping pills.

"Please take it." She pleaded. "You haven't been sleeping at all lately. You are going to get sick, or go crazy."

If it would make her happy I would take the pill. I swallowed it with a drink of water and put the glass down on the bedside table. She kissed me lightly on the lips and climbed back under the covers next to me.

"Tell me about it when you're ready." She said laying her head back on my shoulder and slipping her warm hand under my shirt. She always knows how to soothe me. She started rubbing her hand up and down my side and over my chest and stomach. It actually felt really good and if she kept doing that, and with the help of the sleeping pill, maybe I would fall asleep.

And I did. Sleep. But I am sure that I didn't get any rest because my dream was too vivid and too real. My mind made me relive all of my worst memories. All of the memories that I would have to soon share with Bella.

I know that I stayed asleep longer than I would have normally. I know that I would have woken several times throughout the night with the nightmare that I was having, but that damn sleeping pill kept me under unable to wake. Unable to stop the painful memories that plagued my thoughts for the last four years.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Just to make sure that everyone is clear, Edward is remembering what happened to him while he was 'away' for two years through his dream.**

_~Begin dream sequence~_

It had been two months since I wrapped that fucking Volvo around a tree. I had broken my right leg and my left arm and had twelve stitches above my right eye.

They had kept me in the hospital for two weeks after my mother decided that I had been trying to commit suicide. Of course my comments to her could have been construed as so.

After Carlisle had ripped apart and burned the pieces of my dream to attend Julliard, I purposely ruined any chances of me attending medical school. If I wasn't going to be happy, neither would he.

The rest of my recuperation time was spent at home in my room, which was fine, except for the constant attention that my mother was giving me.

Don't get me wrong, I loved my mother, but she was a constant reminder of how overbearing Carlisle could be. And for the last several months I had grown to despise Carlisle.

My mother had to be perfect in his eyes. She had to act and dress the part of a famous doctor's wife. She had to coordinate charity events, be the president of her garden club, and be supportive of everything that he would do. All of that would be fine, if she got to do the things that she wanted to do some of the time.

I know that she wanted to teach piano to children like she had taught me. She wanted to volunteer at the battered women's shelter, but Carlisle wouldn't allow it. His reasons were that she didn't need to work and the other was that she didn't need to see the misfortunes of other people. It would be too traumatizing for her.

With me though, she would hover. I had been confined to my room with the broken leg. All I felt that I needed from them was food and water. Just like prison. I would take care of everything else. My mother wouldn't let me. She insisted in fluffing my pillows, changing my bed sheets every couple of days, she even wanted my brother to help me shower and shave.

And now two months later they were finally going to decide what to do with me.

My mother made me dress in a suit that she had picked out. She said that I had to look respectful to the judge.

I was sitting at a long table in the front of a family courtroom waiting for everyone to finish talking about me before they would make a decision about my future. I just sat there staring at the wooden tabletop watching the condensation from my water glass create a ring in the wood.

Carlisle's lawyer decided that it would be best for me to say as little as possible because of my _bad_ attitude. They really didn't know how 'bad' my attitude could get. Not yet anyway.

My attention was sparked when it seemed like the lawyers were done arguing and the judge looked like he was going to make a decision.

"Mr. Cullen it seems to me that you have no respect for your parents or yourself. You have been in my courtroom before, and I can see that no progress has been made at home to rehabilitate you. I have decided that the best plan of action would be for you to spend the rest of your years as a minor in a facility that specializes in cases such as yours. I am recommending that you be placed in the Meadowlands Youth Rehabilitation Facility just outside of Olympia until your eighteenth birthday.

"At the facility you will continue your schooling and also be assigned a work area. This will not be like summer camp Mr. Cullen. You will be expected to work hard and during all of this you will be treated for substance abuse. Do you have any questions?"

I didn't answer, I just stared him down from my seat. Fuck, what else could he do to me? I was already headed to 'bad boy' jail for almost two years. I was only sixteen for Christ's sake. I almost smiled at the thought of not being able to get into the colleges that Carlisle had wanted me to apply to. They certainly wouldn't want a miscreant like me wandering the halls. I wondered if I would even get an actual high school diploma, or would it be a GED.

But on the other hand, I would be locked up for almost two whole years. That fucking sucked. I wouldn't see my friends, or spend time alone, and I certainly wouldn't be able to get wasted anymore. I wouldn't be able to hide behind the foggy haze that comes with gratuitous amounts of pain killers. I wouldn't even be able to touch a piano for my entire sentence.

The deputies came in and started to take me to the back to be put in a holding cell until the bus to my two year summer camp could come and pick me up.

My mother started to cry and reached for me. Like the asshole that I was, I just stood there still as a statue. My lawyer talked to the guard and my mother was allowed to hug and kiss me goodbye.

She walked up to me and placed her arms tightly around my torso and cried into the expensive shirt that she insisted that I wear.

I kept my arms hanging loosely at my sides. Carlisle grabbed my shoulder. "Hug your mother God damn it!" He whispered loudly into my ear.

I brought my arms up to encircle my mother lightly. It was one of those awkward hugs, like hugging a stranger. They had to practically pull her off of me so that they could take me to my cell.

It hurt to see my mother like that. I wanted to tell her that I loved her, but I couldn't. I shifted my eyes to Carlisle and looked at him with all of the hatred that I held for him. He just stood there stone faced while he was trying to comfort my mother.

I waited for almost two hours before someone came to get me from my cell. "Alright Cullen, your ride is here." A deputy that looked slightly older than I was said.

He opened the cell and handcuffed my hands in front of me. He grabbed hold of my elbow and pushed and pulled me out the door to the bus.

I almost laughed at the sight. The bus was a full length school bus, but instead of yellow it was grey. It had bars on the windows and what looked like a cage door that separated the driver from the passengers. They took this shit seriously.

I stepped up onto the bus and was led to a seat where my cuffs were attached to a bar on the seat in front of me.

There were three other guys on the bus. A small Asian guy who didn't look very terrifying, an African American guy who looked like he was thirty-five, but must have been under eighteen to be on this bus, and a redneck white guy who looked like he was the product of generations of inbreeding.

The ride from Seattle to Olympia was just over an hour since there wasn't much traffic this time of day.

The bus pulled into a huge gate before stopping to let it close behind it. Then another gate slowly opened in the front. The bus stopped in front of a large building and the guards prepared to take us out.

I stepped off the bus into a tunnel of chain linked fence, and looked around to see my surroundings.

There was a large yard with basketball hoops, a large area of grass, some benches, and what looked like a track. I guess that this was the exercise yard.

The four of us were brought in and seated in a row of chairs along a hallway. There were several doors in the hall, and across from us and the doors, were windows. We were waiting to be 'checked in' and to be seen by the facility doctor.

I could see from where I was sitting a semi-circle of cells with their doors open on the floor that we were on, and a second floor of cells that was surrounded by a railing. In the middle there were tables and chairs, and at one end there were a couple of TVs with a few rows of fold up chairs facing them.

A few guys were watching TV and several guys were sitting around the tables. Some were in their cells with the doors open and some were just wandering around the room.

A little guy that couldn't have been taller than five and a half feet tall with dark tanned skin and pitch black hair walked by the window and spotted us waiting. A small smile filled his face and he ran off to the second floor stairs.

The other three guys with me looked to be scared shitless. The Asian guy was shifting in his seat and his eyes were darting around the room. The African American guy was sitting forward in his chair with his head in his hands. The redneck was just as jumpy as the Asian, but he also looked like he was going to throw up. I was happy to not be sitting directly next to him. The African American would have to deal with that shit.

I decided then and there that I could not let anyone see how I felt in here. If I cowered like these idiots I was sure to be an easy target for humiliation or worse. So I slouched in my chair and stuck my legs out and crossed them at the ankles. My hands were still cuffed so I just rested them on my stomach for now. I may have been fucked up enough to land myself in this situation but I was not stupid. A good first impression was all it was going to take to get along in here.

I was glad that I had thought of this plan of mine because within the next five minutes we had attracted an audience at the windows in front of us.

As I glared at the faces looking at me I saw what I was expecting to see. The crowd parted like the Red Sea and made an opening at the door. I saw three dark heads pass by the crowd and those three dark heads were attached to three large tanned bodies. They were most likely friends with the little guy that had popped his head in earlier. This is why he took off so fast. He had to tell the 'elite' members of society that there was fresh meat to harass.

The first guy was obviously the enforcer of the group. He had to be over six-five and he was all but busting out of his t-shirt. The second guy was smaller than the first but still pretty big. The 'brains' of the operation was smaller built than the other two. He was still tall, but much less defined as the 'enforcer' or the second guy.

The 'brain' was pacing in front of the four of us, and stopped in front of the redneck. "What are you in for?" He asked.

"Making and selling my own moonshine out of my backyard." The redneck replied. My assessment of him was not far off it seemed. I almost chuckled at the thought of his still blowing up and getting him caught.

"And how about you in the suit?" Shit. I forgot that I was still wearing this stupid suit. Of course the tie was long gone and my shirt collar was unbuttoned, but I must have looked like I just left the prom.

"Fuck off." I stated with a glare in his direction.

"Excuse me?" He said in disbelief. "Did you just tell me to 'fuck off'?"

I stood up in front of him and said it again. "Fuck _off_."

I noticed a guard at the door watching this exchange, but I also saw him retreat back into an office without a word. It would seem that this pack of wolves was above the law in this place.

I stepped closer to the 'brain' and waited for what he would do next. Once I took a step though, the 'enforcer' took a step in my direction too grabbing a fistful of my jacket.

From the commotion in the audience I could tell that no one usually stood up to these guys. I heard a lot of 'no ways' and 'he's crazy' and the most prominent one that was being repeated was 'he's going to get himself killed'. I knew right away that words would not suffice in this situation. I was going to have to get my hands dirty.

The three of them looked like they wanted to kill me. So I did the only thing I could think of to shut them down. If it didn't work I would be the one 'shut down' and have to suffer for the next two years as their bitch.

I fisted both of my hands and swung them directly into the big guy's face. I felt the crunch as his nose broke under the pressure of my cuffed hands. It didn't seem to faze him one bit to have blood gushing from his nose.

He got one good punch in that hit me square in the jaw and hurt like a son of a bitch. I shook my head and charged at him again. This time I lifted my cuffed hands over his head and around his neck from behind. He was at least four inches taller than me so I didn't have to use much strength but just my weight to pull against his neck.

I knew from all of my medical books that Carlisle had given me to prepare with that it shouldn't take much longer to get this guy to pass out, that is if the pressure was in the right spot, if not I would probably kill him.

Finally, he slumped to the ground in a thud, out cold, but still breathing.

I had just pulled my hands off of him when the guard decided to show up and called for a doctor on his walkie talkie.

I looked up at the 'brain' and he seemed almost stunned by my actions. The whole crowd had their mouths hanging open in complete silence.

I just smirked as the guard pulled me roughly into an office just off the hall.

Take that, motherfuckers.

**A/N: First of all, this facility is completely made up; second I don't really know what happens in these places, I'm just making it up using what I have seen on TV or in the movies.**

**These first few chapters are just what life will be like for Edward. The real drama will be creeping up shortly.**


	3. Chapter 3

I was taken in to an exam room in the infirmary. The infirmary had several hospital beds set up in a neat row along one wall. There was a desk that had a guard posted at it at the end near the exit. The exam room that I was in was just off the main infirmary area.

"Sit." The guard with the name 'Allen' printed across his name plate said. Allen was a big burly guy with an attitude that I didn't like. He was one of those adults who thought that they were superior to teens. He was also a security guard and we all know what assholes they can be. And this guy was no different.

I kept the pissed off look on my face as I looked around. It seemed that the only place for me to sit would be the exam table. I sat on the edge of the crinkly paper and hung my legs loose over the side.

"You think that you are so smart, don't you?" Allen asked after a few moments of silence. "You have just made the biggest mistake of your life. Bigger than the mistake you made to get in here."

I rolled my eyes at him and he chuckled. "You'll see. And don't come looking for protection from me."

After waiting for over an hour with Allen watching me and making sure that I understood the severity of what I had done, the doctor finally made an appearance.

"Mr. Cullen, is it?" He asked. "You don't look too injured from your scuffle in the hall with Mr. Black, but since you are here we might as well get your initial exam done. Every kid admitted here has to have an exam to make sure that you are not carrying some disease or are not brought in with a preexisting condition." He explained. "We don't want to be the ones blamed if you came in already injured. As you can see, a lot of things can happen around here."

The doctor stepped out for a moment and suddenly stuck his head back in the door. "Please get undressed and I will be back with what I need for the examination."

My eyes went from the now empty doorway to Allen that was standing in the corner. "He's not kidding. Get undressed."

Great. I was supposed to undress in front of this perv. Normally I wouldn't give a shit, but this guy gave me the pedophile vibe.

I held up my cuffed hands and raised my eyebrows at Allen. "Yeah, I guess you would need those off. No funny business." He said patting the taser that he had on his hip.

Allen unlocked the cuffs and I rubbed my sore wrists for a moment before I started to undress. As I did so, Allen's eyes never left me. I felt violated just by him watching me. This exam couldn't be over soon enough.

We were still waiting for the doctor and I was now sitting on the exam table in just my boxers when a kid that looked to be around twelve came in with a clip board.

"Hi I'm Ricky." He said a little too enthusiastically. "I need to get your sizes for clothes." He pulled on his shirt and pant leg to make sure I understood I was getting a set of the same clothes that everyone wore around here.

I told him what he wanted to know and he ran out stating that he would have the clothes setting outside of the door for when my exam was done. Well at least I didn't have to wear the suit anymore.

The doctor came back in and poked and prodded me like a normal exam. He took my blood to run tests to make sure I wasn't infected with some hideous disease or something. He finished up and walked out the door.

My new clothes were just were Ricky said they would be. I got dressed in the navy blue pants, white long sleeve thermal shirt, dark grey t-shirt and some slip on shoes.

Allen didn't re-cuff me as he led me out to the main floor with all of the cells. He took me up the stairs to cell 205.

"Here's your new home. Enjoy." Allen chuckled as he left.

It seemed like I had my own room. Both of the bunks were still made and the room was clean. There weren't any pictures on the walls or books.

When I left the courthouse it was just after one o'clock, and I had to have been here for at least four hours already. I wonder if they are going to feed us. I was fucking starving and nobody has bothered to give me some sort of schedule to go by. _This isn't a cruise ship Cullen._

I stood outside of my new home and leaned my forearms on the railing that overlooked the floor below. I realized then that this was now my home. It was shitty, but I could make it here. I didn't get an overwhelming feeling of despair or sadness that most people would probably feel. I guess not giving a shit about anything can do that to a person.

I immediately noticed the big guy that I took down with a group of people around him. He had a bandage on his nose and two black eyes. He was talking to the 'brain' and kept sending me death stares from his position at the head of the table.

"So you are the guy that smashed Black's nose in?" Some fat kid said to me as he was walking by. Apparently they do feed us in here. "I wouldn't want to be friends with you." He walked away.

I kept scoping out the area. I saw Allen escorting the Asian guy out of the infirmary and towards the stairs. Once they got to the top, they headed in my direction and stopped in front of my cell. Shit, I was going to have to share a room after all.

"Here's your new roommate Cullen." Allen said. "I'm sure you'll be the best of friends."

I continued to lean on the railing and ran my hand through my hair.

"Um…excuse me?" The Asian kid said. "Which bunk do you want?"

Without turning my head I said "Bottom" and he climbed up to the top bunk and laid down.

A loud bell chimed and the whole place came to life. Everyone stopped what they were doing and headed for the door. Were we having a fire drill?

The fat kid came waddling by and I stopped him with my hand on his chest. "What the fuck in going on?"

"That bell means that it is meal time. Don't wait too long to get down there, sometimes they don't make enough desserts!"

I was starving so I headed towards the mess hall like the rest of the herd of cattle.

I got in line and picked up a tray to slide down the serving line.

The people serving were some of the inmates of this place. I had been told that I would have a job; I really hoped that it had nothing to do with food or laundry.

Once my tray was filled I found an empty seat at an almost empty table. I ate as I took in the scene in front of me. I wanted to laugh because it was just like high school, down to everyone staring at the new kid.

There was a table of who seemed to fit the 'jock' category, a table of outcast kids, the stoner table (I wonder what they had and how they got it. I'd talk to them later), and the student council.

Black was sitting with the other two goons and the little tattle tale kid along with a few others at a table in the far corner of the room. They had a table to themselves and you could see that they had to be the 'council'. Kids were coming up to them and passing them items, asking them questions, almost bowing to their feet.

It was like a scene from the fucking 'Godfather' minus the kissing on the hand.

I finished up my food and walked around for a bit. They had games and cards that you could check out. I was shocked that they had a library. It was the size of a closet but it did have some books and magazines.

Most of the books were shit that I would never read. There were a few good books, but I had already read them. I wondered if they took requests or if the public library would mail them to me. They would mail them to my house, why not here?

A computer room was available until four everyday. Of course it was half past six now. What the hell am I supposed to do until 'lights out' at ten?

I had only been here for a couple of hours and I was already bored. Fuck.

I walked back up to my room and found two manila envelopes on the bottom bunk. One read 'Edward Cullen' and the other read 'Eric Yorkie'. I guess the Asian kid's name was Eric.

I threw Eric's packet up to his bed and ripped mine open as I sat on my bed.

It was a schedule of sorts. It listed the classes I had to take and the times. Pretty basic stuff. Math, English, and what the fuck? Auto mechanics?

I ran my hand through my hair in frustration. What did I know about auto mechanics? Absofuckinglutely nothing.

The next page listed my new job. I was to assist the doctor. Well, I wonder who had a hand in this decision? I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. Even in here Carlisle had an influence in my life.

Eric shuffled in the room looking nervous and skirted around me to reach the ladder to his bunk. He was scared of me, but if I had to live with this guy for more than a week I would have to talk to him and assure him that I wasn't going to slit his throat in the night.

I stood up and towered over his small frame. I held out my hand. "Edward, not Ed, and certainly not Eddie."

"Eric." He said taking my hand and shaking it. "If you don't mind my asking, why did you beat the crap out of that guy this afternoon?"

"What have people been saying about me?"

"That you're a bad ass and that the 'pack' is a little rattled over your arrival."

"The 'pack'?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, that's what everyone calls Jake Black and his crew."

"What else?"

"Everyone seems to be a little scared of you. Me included."

"I think that you have just answered your own question." I smirked.

"Huh?" He asked.

"They were testing us. They probably do it to all new arrivals." I explained.

"I get it now. So now that you're famous, what are you going to do with it?"

I shrugged. "I haven't thought that far ahead."

"So you're actually a nice guy?" Eric smiled.

"I wouldn't go as far as to say that." Eric's smile faded and his nervous look returned.

The lights flashed overhead once signaling that it would be lights out in five minutes.

I stood up and brushed my teeth at the sink with the kit of toiletries they had left for the both of us.

Just because I was the new 'bad ass' in town didn't mean that I had to have poor personal hygiene.


	4. Chapter 4

After 'lights out' at ten, a guard came by to do a bed check. He shined a flashlight in on our faces and then closed the cell door. It seemed a bit tedious to me. In the movies they would just shut all of the gates at one time from a remote location. They only needed one guy for that. I guess this was our tax dollars at work.

I couldn't think of the last time I went to bed at ten, on purpose anyway. There were several nights where I would just simply pass out, but usually I had not been to bed the night before.

As I laid there thinking, I thought that I heard sobbing from the bed above me. This Eric kid was going to be annoying if he was a crier. I just hoped that nobody else could hear him.

Morning came all loud and fucking annoying. All of the lights in the building turned on and there was a shrilling bell that went off throughout the entire room. I heard a lot of moaning and groaning, so at least it wasn't just me suffering.

I got out of bed and dressed in yesterday's clothes. I briefly wondered how often, if ever, would we get a new set of clothes.

The cells all opened at once and the breakfast bell rang. I sat again at my now usual table and ate by myself. I saw Eric sitting with a couple of guys that looked just at timid as he was. At least he was making friends. A banana peel came out of nowhere and hit the back of one of Eric's new friends. My eyes shifted to the 'muscle bound jock' table and immediately new who threw the peel by the snickering at that table.

Once I was done I headed to my first class of the day. English. I found the correct room and went inside to sit. The teacher, an old lady that they must have shipped in daily, brought me the book that they were working on and a fucking spelling list. What is this the first grade?

The rest of the _students_ came in and took their seats. I looked at the book in my hands and laughed out loud. 'Charlotte's Web'. Are you fucking kidding me? I think I read this before I even started school.

"Mr. Cullen? Is there a problem?" The old teacher asked.

I just held up the book and set it back on the desk. I think that my mouth was hanging open in disbelief.

"Talk to me after class, honey." She said with a sad look in her eyes. What was that for?

I sat through my first English lesson with my head resting on the palm my hand. I looked around the room during the reading part of the lesson. We were told to read aloud to the class for a few paragraphs. Honestly I was shocked. Half of these guys couldn't read a sentence without help. The teacher skipped me since it was my first day. How thoughtful.

Class ended and as promised I went to talk to the teacher. I walked up to her and waited for her to finish with another student.

She looked up at me from her desk. "Can you read, sweetheart?" She asked timidly, like she didn't want to offend me or some shit. "It's Ok if you can't, that's why were here."

I can probably read better than you can, bitch. "Yes, I can read." I said aloud.

"What have you read? Have you already read 'Charlotte's Web'?"

"I've read nearly everything there is to read. And yes, I've read 'Charlotte's Web'." I told her trying not to sound like a complete asshole. "About eleven years ago."

"Ok dear, I thought you were having a problem reading. So we are nearly halfway through the book. Try to catch up as quickly as possible. We are having a test on the spelling words tomorrow." She said cheerfully.

I just stared at her until I realized that she wasn't joking. I turned on my heel and walked out of the classroom and headed for my math class.

I walked in just before class started and was given my math book. Seriously? This whole situation must have been a joke. I was just about to start looking for hidden cameras when the teacher passed out a two page test to the class.

"You have the whole hour to finish the test. No calculators are allowed. Keep your eyes on your own paper and you may leave when you are done." The teacher instructed. "Make sure to write down the homework assignments for next week before you go to lunch early. You may begin."

I looked down at the paper in my hands and felt like laughing again but thought that I'd better not. These guys in this room really needed this shit. What happened to them that they never got this in public school? I looked around the room and could see that they were all struggling with this test. I noticed Jacob Black in the back corner with the same frustrated face as all of the rest of these guys.

I pulled the pencil out from behind my ear and started the test. I was done in about five minutes and quickly wrote down the assignment from the board. I got up and placed my finished test on the teacher's desk and walked towards the door. Before I got there, I took one last glance at the students in deep concentration. Black looked up at me as I walked out the door.

After lunch my schedule told me to go outside. So I did. I walked out to find the guard, Allen, standing in the middle of the basketball court wearing shorts, a t-shirt with 'Meadowlands' written on it, and a big damn whistle.

I sat on the small set of bleachers next to the court. More students came out of the building and also took seats on the bleachers. Black was with them and he sent me a glare when he passed me. Moments later his 'pack' arrived and sat all around him.

"Ok fellas, we will be starting basketball today." Allen said. "I am assuming that you all have played b-ball before?" There were a few head nods and grunts.

Allen instructed us to form teams of three, and he would set us up with the team that would be our opponents. Since there were two full sized courts, we would be playing four half court games simultaneously, and then switching up like in a tournament.

I seriously wanted to slit my wrists at this point. First I was supposed to read the musings of E.B. White aloud to the class, second I was given a test made for third graders, and now I was being forced to play sports. It wasn't that I couldn't play, it was just that I preferred not to. My brother was the sporty one of the Cullen sons, not me.

So here I was standing with two guys ready to play basketball. Maybe this was how the judge planned on torturing me. This was my punishment for the things that I have done, not the incarceration, but the blatant ignorance of the whole population here. He must have known how irritated I could get over just simple stupidity.

After that ridiculousness was finished I headed over to the next round of what would be the end of my sanity. Auto mechanics.

Around the edge of the main building was a huge garage. I walked in to see several car bodies in different degrees of completion. Some were just frames and others looked finished. But then what did I know? Absolutely nothing. This was a first for me.

I stood around the garage with the other students, which coincidentally included the 'pack', until a teacher noticed me. He introduced himself as 'Conroy' and proceeded to bring me over to a couple of guys with their heads under the hood of a red car.

"You can work with Smith and Richardson over here." Conroy told me. The two guys looked up at me and flinched. "Cullen will be joining you two today."

I folded my arms over my chest to try to hide my insecurities. "Uh…hi…so we just…um replaced the fan belt…and um…next we have to replace the ignition." Smith informed me.

I just remained quiet. I concluded that the best way to fake my way through this would be to not say anything. They seemed to already be intimidated by me from my new reputation, so I didn't think that they would question my silence.

Black kept giving me evil looks through his black and blue eyes throughout the entire class period.

Finally that disaster was over and I headed directly to the office were the administration of this place was located. I asked to talk to the person in charge of education. I was told to sit in the same chairs that I was in when I was first brought here.

After a few minutes, a guard came out to get me and escort me into an office with the name 'Payne' on the door.

"Edward, please sit." Payne told me so I did. "What brings you in on your second day here?"

"I was told that I would be finishing up high school while I was in here."

He nodded. "Yes, that is why we bring teachers in."

I sighed. "I don't feel that the material is challenging enough, and I don't think that the state will recognize the lesson plans that I have gotten today as high school level."

"What would you like me to do for you Edward?" Payne said leaning forward on his desk.

"I'm sure the teachers here are fine, but I would like to know if we could possibly have coursework brought in from my previous educational institution."

"I don't think that that will be possible."

"Why?"

"Edward, we aren't really here to educate you. We are here to rehabilitate you so that you don't fail again in society when you are released."

I was starting to get irritated. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. "I was told that I would finish school in here. Are you telling me that is false information?" I said through my teeth.

"You will be able to finish school when you get out. That is if you don't screw up again and end up in prison."

Fuck! "Well can I test out of this bullshit then and get the state to give me a high school equivalency test?"

"That may be an option, but you would have to earn it." I narrowed my eyes at him.

"How."

"I see from your file that you are assigned to the doctor during your afternoons." I nodded. "I think that you would be better suited elsewhere, don't you think?"

"_Where_ exactly?"

"I think that we have just found ourselves a new tutor."

"No. No way."

"You want me to help you don't you? You want to graduate high school right?"

"Yes."

"Then you are the new tutor. You will be assisting the other student from two until five on the weekdays and from nine to noon on Saturdays." He smiled. "How does that sound."

"Fucking fabulous."

"I thought that you would agree."


	5. Chapter 5

The rest of the week remained the same, wake up, eat, school, receive nasty glares from Black, and sleep. The only thing that had changed was now I had to teach, and I use the term loosely, the most inept bunch of fuckers I have ever come in contact with. I really shouldn't blame them completely for their lack of knowledge, but I had to blame someone. So my overflowing amount of irritation landed directly on them.

I was still required to continue attending my original classes because Payne's half of the deal still had not gone through. I swear that if he is playing me, and doesn't follow through, I will make it my life's work to create as much upheaval in this place as humanly possible. My life sucks as it is; I might as well make everyone else just as miserable as I was.

I discovered that we were allowed to shower every other day. It didn't matter if you had created the biggest mess of yourself during the hour of activity known as P.E. or your job, but you still only showered four times a week at the most.

I had reread 'Charlotte's Web' just for something to do. I finished a week's worth of math homework in one sitting and turned it in during the same class time that it was assigned. My teachers didn't know what to do with me. It seemed that they didn't know what to do with a high school valedictorian candidate. I doubt they had ever seen one.

My afternoons dragged for what seemed like an eternity. I was made to sit in one of the classrooms with the old lady teacher. We would wait after school for anyone that needed help with any of their classes.

Granny would announce at the start of the afternoon that I was there to help, but everyone pretty much ignored me. No one wanted help from the kid that breaks noses for no reason. That was fine with me. I would just sit and do the crossword puzzle from the newspaper. What could Payne say? I was doing my time. I couldn't help it if no one wanted my services.

Saturday morning I headed to the classroom at nine to put in my three hours. I had gotten a copy of 'Wuthering Heights' out of the school library last night and was planning on reading during my tutoring time. I had never really like the book, but it was a classic and it was one that I hadn't read several times. Until I was able to get some other books, I was stuck with what they had; at least it wasn't 'Romeo and Juliet'.

I was about a hundred pages in to my book when I heard a small voice. "Can you help me with this?" It said quietly. I looked up to find Ricky the kid that got me my clothes my first day standing next to my chair.

"That's what I'm here for." I told him, and marked my page in the book. "What do you need help with?"

He held out a small orange book. It was a first grade level book with several very short stories in it. It wasn't a book to read necessarily, but rather a book to help you _learn_ to read.

I invited him to sit and had him start reading out of the book. He stumbled through the first sentence before I asked him to stop. I pulled out a piece of paper and wrote out the alphabet. We started there with the basic sounds of the letters and so on. I spent the rest of my time with him. We finished at noon, and I insisted that he come back to me on Monday. I'm not sure where my generosity came from. I guess I felt sorry for the guy.

After lunch were visiting hours. Family and friends were allowed to come on Saturdays and Sundays for a few hours. I certainly wasn't expecting anyone so I went back to my room and kicked back on my bunk and closed my eyes.

Over the loudspeaker names were called of the kids that had visitors. When 'Cullen' was announced I was shocked to say the least. I pulled myself out of my bunk and headed toward the visiting area.

The visiting area was a large room with several tables and chairs. If it was a nice day you were allowed to take your guests outside in a small gated area.

I shuffled down the hall and through the doorway into the large room. I looked around for a few seconds until I was met with three sets of familiar eyes. Carlisle, Esme and Emmett were sitting nervously at one of the many tables in the room.

I walked up to their table with my hands in my pockets and my head down. I couldn't look my mother in the eye. I swear to God that I would have lost it and thrown myself into my mother's arms and cried like a baby if I did. So I didn't. I couldn't. So I sat down and stared at a spot on the wall behind them for the hour that they had to spend with me.

My mother and brother talked on and on about menial things and Carlisle stayed as quiet as I was. No one spoke of what happened to get me in here, and no one asked me what it was like to be in here.

Before they left my mother hugged me and kissed my cheek. My brother punched me in the arm and Carlisle didn't say anything. They also told me that they had brought me a 'care package' but that the guards had to go through it before I could have it. That was the longest hour of my life. When my mother told me that they would be back next week, I inwardly cringed. I don't think that I could take their pitiful stares for an hour every week.

It was nice that they drove all the way here to see me, but it was obvious that they didn't really want to be here. I didn't really want them to come. I would have to tell them to leave me alone, forget about me. I knew that they were ashamed, they didn't have to say it, I knew. I could see it in their faces. It would be better if they would just move on and be the happy family without me.

I left the room and headed back to my cell. We were allowed 'free time' for the rest of the day, unless of course you were assigned to the mess hall. I dropped back down onto my bunk and shut my eyes.

About an hour later, a guard that I didn't know came into my room holding a box. "Cullen?" He asked.

"Yeah?" I said cracking open my eyes slowly because they never dimmed the fucking lights in here. It was all or nothing. Had they never heard of a dimmer switch?

He handed me the open box and walked out of the room. I pulled back the flaps and looked inside cautiously like it was going to explode or something. What I found inside were several things. Boxes of Strawberry Pop Tarts, a couple of books, my first two weeks of school work from my old high school, thank Christ, and an iPod. Not my iPod, the one that was full of songs, but a brand new iPod that was completely empty. What the fuck was I supposed to do with this? The computer lab here didn't let you access iTunes, besides, I didn't have a credit card, or a balance on my account. I was just about to throw it across the room and smash it to pieces when Eric came in.

"Cool, you got an iPod." He said excitedly.

"It's empty. Apparently my parents thought that it would be nicer for me to have a new one rather than bring the one that is sitting on my desk at home. The one that is full of music. The one that I could actually use and enjoy." I rambled on growing more irritated by the second.

"I could help you with that, if you want." He said so low that I hardly heard him.

"Help me with what?"

"Your iPod. I can help you put music on it." He explained. "For a price of course."

Of course. Did I want to ask? Remember Cullen, this is how you got swindled into the tutoring business. But if it was true, it would be worth something. I don't think that I could live through two years without music.

"Ok, I'll bite. How, and what will it cost me?"

"One, you can't tell anybody about this, two, you have to associate yourself with me. Like talk to me outside of this cell. Hang out sometimes; eat lunch at my table for at least two months."

"That's it? Pretend to be friends?" I asked and then like a sledge hammer it came crashing down on me. "You want it to look like we are friends so that those idiots at the table next to you leave you alone."

He nodded.

"Ok, but I'm not getting the shit kicked out of me if this goes sour. I'm not going to pick a fight with these guys if they continue to fuck with you."

"That's Ok. I think that they will second guess themselves if you are with us. I think that they will leave us alone."

I shrugged. "Tell me how you are going to get this iPod filled."

"Follow me." He said and then headed out the door.

I followed him down the stairs and around to the class rooms. He headed into the computer lab and sat at a computer in the back corner away from the guard monitoring the room.

"Let me know if he comes this way." He said while opening Internet Explorer on the computer.

We were allowed limited access to the internet. We could have email, but it would have to go through the administration office before it was sent on. It was the same way with incoming emails; they were read for security purposes and then sent into our accounts. We could only look at approved websites. If you tried to look at something that was not approved, you would get a message stating that you were being watched and that the website was restricted. I hadn't really played around with it yet since I didn't have anyone to email anyway.

When I looked back at the screen, iTunes was displayed on the computer. "How did you do that?"

"I'm not telling my secrets. Now make a play list as fast as you can. We don't have much time before he notices me in here," he said gesturing to the guard that was half asleep in the front of the room.

"What?"

"I'm not exactly allowed to be anywhere near a computer while I'm in here, or anytime after I leave," Eric explained as I looked at him. "I kinda got in trouble a couple of times for, you know, _hacking_."

"No shit?" I found myself to be impressed by this guy. I also felt a little stupid. This guy had actually committed a crime, I didn't know the details, but I was in here because I was pissed off at my father and crashed my car, he was here for being too smart.

I finished up making a play list and plugged the new iPod into the computer. It downloaded the songs and Eric and I left the computer lab.

I felt a little more relaxed now that I had an iPod in my pocket and ear buds in my ears as I walked around the yard outside. I had downloaded a lot of classical music. I felt my fingers twitching, aching, to be able to play this music myself on my own piano.

Sunday was a free day for me. I didn't have tutoring hours to attend to, but I found myself sitting in a classroom anyway. I had opened the packet from my old school. I wanted to get started with my assignments as soon as possible.

There was a letter inside from one of my old teachers. It was from Mrs. Goff my Spanish teacher from freshman year. She had always been one of my favorite teachers. I found it odd that she was my contact to the school and that she had volunteered to gather and send out all of my assignments. She had included a phone number, which I would not be able to use, and an email address for if I had any questions or if I needed help. The reason it was odd to me was because I didn't even take Spanish anymore. I would have to thank her when I got out of here.

It was funny how I begged to get these assignments from my old school because the classes here were too easy. I chuckled to myself when I realized that this shit was too easy also. Just as I was finishing up the Calculus work I had been given, I heard my name being called to the visitor's lounge. I groaned at the thought that my parents had come back already. It had only been a few days since I got here, and they had just seen me yesterday. I wasn't even polite, why would they come back already?

I threw my stuff back in my room and jogged down to the visiting area. I rounded the corner and scanned the room. A smile spread across my face when I saw James and Victoria sitting at one of the tables.

"Hey, Cullen!" James yelled across the room completely ignoring the glares from the other people in the room.

"James, what the fuck?" I said surprised that he would even bother to drive down here to see me.

"I couldn't leave ya hanging down here in 'kid jail' without a visit from me." James grinned. "Plus we brought you something." His voice dropped to an almost inaudible level.

I furrowed my brow trying to figure out what he was talking about. He just shrugged and continued talking about other things.

When the hour was up he stood and put his hand out for me to shake. Odd, James was not a hand shaker. I reached my hand out to his, and as I grasped his hand I felt something between our palms. I took it and shoved it in my pocket along with my hand. I figured that the guards would not be any the wiser if I just left my hands in my pockets and walked out.

Once I was back in the hallways near the cell block I found myself pushing into the library door and hiding behind one of the two shelves in the room. I pulled the item out of my pocket and found eight pills in a tiny plastic bag. That sly motherfucker brought me some drugs. I didn't know what they were, but I had missed the numbness. I was getting fucked up tonight.


	6. Chapter 6

Everything was…quiet, peaceful, relaxing. I felt, well for the most part I didn't really feel anything, and I was Ok with that.

I was lying in a field of wild flowers and long grass. The sun warmed my skin and a slight breeze cooled it at the same time. My mind, for once, was not running on overdrive. I was content.

And then everything went to shit when the side of my face burned suddenly. Once, twice, what the fuck was going on?

My eyelids were too heavy to open so I had to rely on my other senses to figure out what was happening.

Taste: nothing.

Smell: again nothing.

Touch: I wasn't touching anything, but I was definitely being touched. Besides the stinging of my face, I felt pushing and shoving on my shoulders and chest.

Hearing: Once I focused, I could hear voices. I couldn't understand what they were saying, but they didn't sound happy. They were frantic, and were really pissing me off.

This whole situation was very irritating.

"Wake up Edward, wake up now!" a voice kept repeating. "Come on Edward."

"What happened?" another voice said. "What did he take, and how did he get it?"

"I'm not sure what it was," the first voice said. "Allen searched the room and questioned his roommate, but came up empty."

"Get him into the infirmary immediately, and wake him up!"

I felt like I was floating on air for a few moments and thought that whatever had interrupted my calmness had gone away. I had settled back into my euphoric state.

With a jolt my senses were shocked back into awareness. My eyes snapped open and I was back in Meadowlands, in the shower, the freezing shower.

The doctor and two guards held me under the icy spray until my teeth were chattering and my whole body was shaking. If I wasn't so disorientated, I might have hit someone.

The doctor wrapped me up in a blanket and I was wheeled in a wheelchair to the infirmary where I was met by Payne and an older man that I had never seen before.

I got out of the chair and sat on the edge of the bed. I was given a towel and I rubbed it over my wet hair.

"What happened?" Payne asked.

I shrugged my shoulders and laid back on the bed closing my eyes.

"Wake up! Don't you think for one minute that this is over. You were on something, what was it?" Payne continued.

I stayed silent willing them to go away so that I could get some sleep.

"Son, it seems that you have some explaining to do." The older voice started. His voice was overly calm. "Whatever you took, you took too much. That kind of behavior makes us unsure of your motives."

What the fuck was he talking about? Who was this guy anyway?

"We haven't met yet." He said like he had heard my thoughts. "I'm Dr. Johnson, the facility's therapist."

There was going to be no sleep for me in here. I slowly got up and hitched the blanket around my shoulders tighter and started for the door. Payne stopped me by putting his hand on my shoulder and shaking his head.

"You're not going back to your room today. This is very serious. If you don't tell us where you got the drugs and if you have more, we are going to have to separate you from the rest of the boys."

I stood there staring at him.

"Well?"

"I've got nothing to say." My voice was raspy and my throat dry.

"Allen, please take Edward to the isolation ward. It looks like he needs a couple of days alone to come out of this."

Allen grabbed my arm a little harder that necessary and led me off to the unknown.

Two hallways, a path outside, and three doors later we finally made it to the isolation ward. It was just a hallway with ten doors. We walked down to door three and Allen unlocked it with a key on his ring. Inside was a toilet, a sink and a bed. A small window created the light. There was a switch on the wall that must have turned on an overhead light for when it was dark.

"I'll send someone over with food and a change of clothes since yours are all wet." Allen told me. "Enjoy the silence." He said and shut the door behind him.

Thank fucking Christ for small miracles. It was quiet and still in here. There was a bed. Food was on its way and I would be in dry clothes soon. What else could I need?

I peeled off my wet clothes and rewrapped myself up in the blanket. I think that I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

I was awoken by the sound of the large door being opened. I rolled over just in time to see a guard set down a tray of food and pick up the tray that was left for me earlier.

I ate. I was completely awake now. The drugs that James had given me had worn off. Luckily I still had seven more pills hidden away in the library. I would have to space them out if they were going to last. Who knew when James would be back? Maybe I would never see him again.

I paced around the small room. I wondered how long I had been in here, and how long before I could get out. I felt like Steve McQueen in 'The Great Escape' except I didn't have a rubber ball.

I stood on the little sink and peered out the window. I could see the P.E. class playing basketball. Black's dark figure darting around the court.

I had never talked to him since that first day. I had expected to be attacked the very next day by him and his followers, but nothing ever happened. It was strange and unsettling. Expect it when you least expect it was what I kept saying in my head. It was coming; sooner or later it was coming.

I was officially bored.

Several hours later. Maybe it was minutes, but I couldn't tell, Dr. Johnson was let in the room.

He started by asking me if I was trying to commit suicide. He tried to get me to tell him where I got the drugs. Even though I stayed silent he continued to talk and ask questions.

I was told that my parents had been notified of my behavior, and that if anything like this ever happened again my punishment would be more drastic.

Then when things couldn't get any worse, I was told that I had to have weekly meetings with this guy. Shit.

Finally after what seemed like two weeks I was let back into the Meadowland society. I found out from Eric that I had only been gone for two days and that the guards had gone through all of our stuff. It didn't bother me. I didn't have anything in this room that needed to remain hidden.

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. It was the same old schedule as before. I continued to tutor Ricky and he was making great progress. We had moved on to book four of the orange readers. I couldn't wait until it was finished. I swear that if I heard anything else about what Dick, Jane or Spot did I _would_ commit suicide.

I kept up with my own schoolwork and had gotten Mrs. Goff to send me library books with my weekly assignments. I was in definite need of some brain stimulation.

The only drawback to my situation was that I was forced to remain in the auto mechanics class. Once Payne had found out that I had not been doing any work in there due to the fact that I didn't know what the fuck I was doing, he had made me continue the class. He also told me that it was going on my high school transcripts so I had better _figure it out_.

I've never had this problem before. I have never struggled so hard over one thing. I just didn't get it.

Sitting at the workbench after hours I was still trying to figure out what I was doing. I had the car manual, I had the parts, and I just was too frustrated and pissed off to figure it out.

"Having trouble Cullen?" A deep voice said from behind me. I stood and turned quickly to be face to face with Jacob Black.

"I've noticed that you have been behind in this class." He said walking around to the front of the bench. "I've also noticed that you don't have difficulties in any other classes. Just this one."

"Yeah, and?" I said narrowing my eyes. "What's your point?"

"Look, I know that we didn't get off on the right foot so to speak, but I have a proposition for you."

"Go on."

"I have seen that you are a tutor after classes." He started. "My proposition is as follows: I'll help you with this stuff, if you can help me with my math class."

"You're serious?" I asked slightly intrigued. I really did need help with this, but was I willing to let _him_ help me?

"Yes. But, you can't tell anyone. We would have to do this privately. My friends don't really approve of me having any sort of friendship or camaraderie with you."

"Ok, I'm willing to try. When do you want to start?"

"Right now."

We started on helping me. Jacob really did know a lot about mechanics. He said that he had worked in a shop before he was sent here. He explained the manual and went over the different parts we were working on. By the time we were done with my portion of the learning it just about made sense.

Jacob was definitely terrible with math. He wanted to graduate from high school before he was released from Meadowlands also. He had to get to the Algebra level to be able to qualify for graduation. The class here was way below just basic Algebra and Jacob was getting no where fast.

So added to what I already had to do, I was now tutoring Jacob Black and being tutored by Jacob Black on the D.L. after hours.

Outside of our little sessions, we were not to associate. It would make him look bad to his 'pack'. The 'brain' as I had called him was named Sam. He didn't allow outsiders into their tight group of members. Jacob had told me that Sam would never approve of what we were doing.

Honestly, I didn't really care either way as long as I completed auto mechanics with an 'A' before the year was over.

Remember when I said 'expect it when you least expect it'? Well I wasn't expecting 'it'. I rounded the corner to head outside to the yard when it happened. A fist the size of a bowling ball punched me square in the jaw and again in the stomach before I even realized what was going on.

I opened the one eye that wasn't swelling shut to see two members of the 'pack' preparing to pummel me again.

I was able to throw a few punches before the fight was broken up by a couple of guards. Once we were separated I saw that Jacob had seen almost the whole transaction but he did nothing to stop it.

It was obvious that what he had said was true. We weren't friends. Never would be I would imagine.

That little stunt cost me another two days in solitary. Luckily I had had my iPod in my pocket so I had a little entertainment this time.

The way things were going I would have to make sure that I had a little rubber ball with me at all times from now on. Maybe I could get Mrs. Goff to send one to me.


	7. Chapter 7

Looking at the calendar that was stapled to the wall in my cell, I found that I had been in this hell hole for eight months. It was Sunday and as usual my mother was out in the visiting area waiting for me. After about two months of subjecting myself to an hour a week staring past my family, I decided that it would be best for all of us not to do this visiting 'thing' anymore. I stopped going out to meet them. I was told by Johnson that only my mother came to see me now. Every week like clock work she would sit out there waiting for me to appear. As bad as I felt about it, I couldn't bring myself to see her.

I still only tutored Ricky, officially anyway. He had moved on to real books and we were working on writing now as well as reading. The old lady teacher was impressed and my services would no longer be needed by him soon. He was practically more advanced than most of the kids in here.

Jacob was coming along with the math. I was improving as well, but I still needed to refer to the manuals to get anywhere. I was headed down to the mechanics shop to finish up a project that I had been working on. Jacob was already inside when I arrived.

"Look Cullen, I found you a project for extra credit." Jacob said pointing at a blue motorcycle.

"My dad has an old bike like that in our garage at home." I told him while checking out the bike.

"No kidding? He has a Kawasaki KX 125?" He said with a look of disbelief.

"Um…maybe? It's a motorcycle and it's blue." I said shrugging my shoulders.

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Let's get started."

Jacob and I had a weird relationship. After four months of our tutoring sessions I still didn't know much about the guy. We were on friendlier terms now and the 'pack' had started to leave me alone.

"So Cullen, you never told me why you were in here." Jacob started as we both were cleaning the parts that he had removed from the bike.

"Stole a car, drinking, drugs, the usual." I told him and then opened up about the whole thing.

I told him about Carlisle pushing me to go to medical school and how I didn't want to. I didn't tell him that I wanted to be a pianist and composer, I'm sure he would have made fun of me for that. I explained James' involvement and all of the stupid things I did to get in here.

"So basically, you're telling me that you were a spoiled rich kid that didn't like daddy's rules to you rebelled against him?"

In a nutshell.

"Pretty much, yeah. What about you?"

Jacob went on to tell me the story that brought him into this place. He lived on a reservation out on the Olympic Peninsula. He had lived there with his father and sister for his entire life. His sister had left home three years ago with a scholarship to a college in Hawaii. Jacob had to stay home and work to help support his father and himself. His dad, Billy owned a repair shop on the reservation. Jacob worked there when he could after school and on the weekends. That was how he knew how to do all of this stuff with cars and motorcycles.

Two years ago, Billy had gotten into a car accident that left him in a wheelchair. They had lost their shop since Billy couldn't work there anymore. Jacob couldn't find work anywhere since he was so young. He had even gone to a nearby town to look for work. They had tried to survive on the money that they made selling the repair shop, but it was getting sparse.

Jacob had signed up with Sam's gang that was made up with other boys from the reservation. They had started to vandalize and rob stores in a town nearby until they were caught. Jacob was only doing it so that he could support his father and himself. All of the money that he stole went to food and shelter.

So now I felt like a complete douche. I guess I was a spoiled rich kid. My life had sounded much better than his. I lived in a pretty happy home with my parents and my brother. I had a big house, a car given to me on my sixteenth birthday, and a good education. Jacob was just trying to survive.

"Let's talk about something lighter, Ok?" Jacob smiled. "What about girlfriends? You got a girl waiting for you at home?"

"No, not really. I mean there is a girl, but I wouldn't say she was mine." I told him.

"Explain that."

"Well there's this girl, Victoria that I hang out with from time to time." I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue this line of questioning either. This subject was just as tainted with bad memories than the last.

"You two hook-up or what." He smirked in my direction.

"Yes?"

"Jesus Cullen, why so cryptic?"

"I don't know. It's just one of those things that you want to forget." I laughed without humor.

"Well now I'm intrigued." He said with his full attention to me. "Let's hear it."

"We had sex, but I was too stoned to remember it." That was all I was going to divulge.

"No shit? That sucks, man." At least he wasn't laughing.

"Tell me about it."

"Well it's better than being in love with the same girl for twelve years and knowing that she doesn't want anything but to be your friend." He said looking at his hands.

"I told you my embarrassing sob story; you'd better contribute your humiliation to the table." I laughed.

"God, where do I start?" He thought for a moment before talking. "I've known her my whole life. Our fathers are best friends, have been since before we were born. It wasn't until I was five and she was six that I realized that I was in love with her."

"In love at five? Got it. Go on." I smirked.

"It's not funny! I'm not telling you this if you're just gonna laugh, asshole." He growled.

"Sorry, man. Continue." I said waving my hand in front of him.

"Ok. Now, she would come to visit her father every summer." I must have looked confused so he explained further. "She and her Mom moved away from Washington just after she was a year old. Anyway, it was over those summers that we became close friends."

"So you saw her once a year since you were a kid, and that's all it took for you to love her?" I asked.

"Just let me tell the story please." He glared at my interruption. "When I was eleven and she was twelve she moved to Forks permanently, and since our dads were such good friends, we were able to see each other everyday.

"We had a lot of fun hanging about the Rez and the beach. She'd let me hold her hand and stuff that kids do, but when we got older and I wanted her to be my girlfriend, she told me that she didn't feel that way about me. She said that I was more like a brother to her. Then she shifted to hanging out with a couple of girls from school all of the time.

"I didn't like those girls at all. Probably because they had taken her away from me. We barely saw each other after I confessed my love for her. I know that she felt bad for hurting me and she always looked so sad if we happened to be around each other.

"We really drifted apart when her father, the police chief, caught Sam, Paul, Embry, Quil, and I breaking into the Forks drug store and took us to the jail. My dad flipped out and the drug store owner pressed charges. That is how we ended up here. I haven't spoken to her since. I don't think that she understands what happened.

"My father told the Chief not to tell her where I was. He was so ashamed of me and the other guys. He was mostly upset that we had had Quil with us that night. He was only thirteen. He had insisted that he come with us and had tagged along without our knowing. It wasn't until we were in the store that I knew he was there, and then it was too late. That's why my dad never comes to visit. That's why Be-…um…she never comes to visit. I know that she would if she knew I was in here. She's always been very compassionate and understanding. That's why I love her. I still do."

"Dude, that sucks. Maybe she'll come around when you get out of here." I guessed.

"Maybe. I doubt it though." Jacob looked terribly broken hearted at that moment. I didn't know what to say to him. I was not good at helping people with their feelings and shit. So I just sat there. God, I'm such a dick.

I tried to change the subject. "So why do all of you guys listen and do whatever that asshole Sam says?"

Jacob just shook his head. "You wouldn't understand."

"Jesus Black, it's like pulling teeth to get information out of you."

"Sam is our leader. Don't laugh! He's our elder in here and out on the Rez. You must know a little about Native American culture, yeah?" I nodded.

"So we are like a little tribe within our tribe. Technically I am second in command. Paul is third, and it pisses him off."

"Honestly I thought that Paul was second. The way he acts to everyone." I told him.

"Yeah, he wishes. Sam will be eighteen in a couple of months and I will just _have_ to take over for him when he leaves for home." He chuckled.

"So then you won't have to avoid me and we can have these sessions during the day?" I questioned.

He shrugged. "Maybe. Maybe I won't need you anymore by then."

"I'm afraid you will need me. There is no way that you could grasp the concept of simple algebra in two months." I laughed. "You will need me even after we get out of here."

He shoved me in the arm, hard, and I almost tumbled over from the impact because I was laughing so hard.

The lights flashed overhead signaling the end of another day and we started to head back towards the cell block.

I guess you could say that we had made progress today. It was weird really. I had never had a good guy friend besides my brother for my entire life. Maybe after Sam was gone Jacob and I could be friends outside of the shop. Who knew that the guy I had hated the most was now becoming one of my closest friends?


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I'm glad everyone likes Jacob better in the story now, and the mention of Bella. Thanks for the reviews!**

The weeks passed a little more quickly now that I had someone to talk to that didn't come off as a complete idiot. Sure, Jacob had terrible math skills, but he was very intelligent about other things.

I feared that he might take advantage of the information that he now held over me, my insecurities with Victoria and my home life. Victoria was probably just a one time thing, even though she continuously commented on our time together, she tried to embarrass me numerous times. The fact that I couldn't remember a damn thing about that night, except that I had woken up with my pants undone, just made me feel disgusted with myself. I would never make that mistake again with a woman. That is if I could find a woman that would want me like that anyway.

Jacob never spoke of our conversations with anyone else. Of course, I had knowledge of his mystery girl that he was so in love with. He never would tell me her name on the off chance that we stayed friends once we were released. He didn't want me to know who she was. I quickly was intrigued by this girl. Jacob had described her as very pretty with long wavy brown hair, big brown eyes, and porcelain skin. She was very short compared to him; her head didn't even reach his shoulder. I had to comment on that, since we had become friends we would constantly banter back and forth trying to get the best of one another, I told him that she sounded the perfect height for me, and patted my shoulder where her head would rest when she hugged me. But then he would remind me that she didn't like guys that had sexual amnesia. And the mockery would escalate.

Sam had finally been released last week and Jacob had been put in charge of the pack. Paul was not thrilled with the idea, and was just waiting for them all to be released so that things could go back to normal when they returned home. Mine and Jacob's friendship was still under the radar with the whole facility. He figured he needed time to settle in with his new position before he could make any changes, changes that would include allowing us to talk outside of the shop.

I was still forced to see the shrink every week, even though I had not had any more 'incidents' since the last one. I would just sit in the chair in his office for an hour thinking of stupid things to pass the time. I didn't even listen to what he had to say. That prick didn't know his elbow from his asshole, and I didn't feel the need to provide him with any information to report back to my parents.

On other news, Ricky my former student, former because he had surpassed the 'Charlotte's Web' reading level and no longer needed my services, had become somewhat of a pest. He started to follow me around outside of class time and had taken up residence at my meal table. According to the old lady teacher, I still didn't know her name, Ricky had come to idolize me in some way. I guess I had become the 'big brother' figure in his life. I couldn't begin to understand his reasoning for wanting to follow in my fucked up footsteps.

I had fulfilled my obligation to Eric many times over so that I had filled my iPod to capacity. He was a smart guy and I couldn't understand his motives to stay in the ridiculous classes that we had been put in when we first arrived. After I finally got it out of him that he had already finished high school at sixteen, I was humbled once again. Then he told me that MIT was just waiting for his release from here to scoop him up.

My days merged into one another. I had the same schedule everyday. The only time I had to myself was on Sunday afternoons during visiting hours since I didn't bother to 'visit' with my company. If it wasn't raining, I would walk the perimeter of the yard. I certainly didn't want to partake in any of the activities that were offered to us for entertainment. It gave me the chance to think about things other than being here. I thought about what I would do next year when I was sent home. I would be eighteen and technically an adult. Would my father allow my return to my childhood home? Maybe I would become homeless. Perhaps I would go to college. I had already gotten some college funds just from winning science fairs and other academic challenges. I chuckled at the thought of Carlisle Cullen's son going to community college. He would be the laughing stock at the Country Club. I wondered if maybe he already was.

But lately I was constantly thinking of _her_. Jacob's mystery girl. I knew that he would flip if I told him this; especially if I told him that I had been dreaming of her ever since he described her in detail. Sometimes during our talks, I would purposely bring her up so that he would talk about her more. I really was pathetic.

I headed back to my cell to collect all of the homework that had been sent to me by Mrs. Goff last week. I had finished it up on Friday, but not in time for the outgoing mail. I stuffed the manila envelope with the Calculus sheet, the five essays that were forced on me, and the Spanish 2 quiz that had somehow made it's way into my homework packet this week (Hmm…I wonder how that could have happened?). When I had received my packet last week it was much larger than usual, and it was in a box instead of a large envelope. Upon opening it I was pleasantly surprised to find a baseball and mitt included along with a couple of books and the usual pages of instruction. The mitt had a note taped to it explaining my lack of knowledge of the movie 'The Great Escape' and had been informed that it was in fact a baseball and mitt the main character used while locked away in solitary confinement. With my frequent trips to that lonely cell, I had requested that I could leave the ball and mitt down there and also to have my name stenciled on the door. It turns out that the guards do not have a very good sense of humor.

Once the envelope was sealed and ready to go, I walked down to the admin area to make sure that it was sent off with Monday's mail. I dropped off the package and turned to make my exit from the office when Payne, Allen, the Doc, and several other security guards pushed past me in what seemed to be at an emergency pace.

I stepped from the office door a little stunned to see the doors to the outside burst open by a few men with a stretcher and medical props. It seemed that Meadowlands was having a bit of a medical emergency. Since this was the most exciting thing to have happened in the last six months, I followed along to check out the scene.

I pushed my way through all of the other fucking gawkers that had formed a circle around the scene in the cafeteria. Maybe someone had finally died from the sewage that they call food around here. Once I got to the front of the crowd my heart dropped into my stomach as I laid eyes on a pale, convulsing Ricky lying on the cold linoleum floor.

His skin had lost all color; he was twitching erratically, and had some white drool or some shit leaking from his mouth. His eyelids were fluttering and his eyeballs were rolled into the back of his head.

"What happened?" I asked the closest kid to me.

"I dunno, I think they said that he had OD'd or something." He replied.

Who in their right mind would give this kid something to OD on? Then my sight blurred and I suddenly became very dizzy. I busted through the crowd of onlookers and ran. I ran faster then I had ever run before. I had to know. I had to know that it wasn't me. Please let it not have been me.

I slammed into the library door panting. I rounded the corner of the last bookcase and looked at the top shelf. I let out the breath that I had been holding when I saw that the copy of 'Wuthering Heights' was still in its position on the shelf. I had chosen this particular book because I knew that none of these motherfuckers could read it or even understand it. I reached up to the book and brought it down to my chest before opening it slowly.

Just where I had left them were the little white pills that I had left from James' visit. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger. I opened up my eyes again and focused on the little baggie. I dropped the book and slid down the wall. Fuck, there were only six pills. It _was_ me.

It was several minutes before I could get myself to stand again. I gripped the Ziploc tightly in my hand and sprinted to my cell. I'm sure I looked like a complete lunatic to everyone that I passed, but I had to make it back to my cell before I collapsed. I was terrified. I knew how the pills had affected my 175 pound body, but Ricky couldn't have been more than 100 pounds.

I found Eric sitting on his bunk when I arrived. "OUT!" I shouted at him and he hurriedly jumped down and left the room. I opened up the baggie and shook the rest of the pills out into my hand. I briefly considered taking one myself, but instead I dumped all six of them into the toilet and flushed. I looked up and saw my reflection in the small mirror over our sink. "You stupid fuck." I said to myself. "What were you thinking?"

I sat confined between the wall and the end of the bunks with my knees pulled up into my chest. I was shaking and I felt tears streaming down my face. I momentarily glared at the light on the ceiling wishing that I could be sitting in the dark. It served me right to be seen in my most vulnerable state. It seemed like several hours that I had been sitting there like that. Looking at the clock, it was well past eight. I was already an hour late to Jacob's tutoring session in the shop. He was probably pissed that I had flaked on him.

I heard several people walk by my cell but fortunately for them they didn't interfere with my self loathing. Anyone that talked to me in this state was just asking to be punched in the face.

"Cullen! What the fuck? Where were…you?" Jacob trailed off once he saw my condition. "Shit, what happened? You OK?"

I tried to wave him away without having to speak.

"No way man, something's up with you." No shit? "Come on. Does this have anything to do with that kid today? If so, you should know that that kind of stuff happens all the time around here. It happened twice before you came. It has slowed down a bit since then, but Hell, it almost happened to you didn't it?"

"It was my fault." I whispered not wanting to actually say it out loud. "It was my stash he found."

"Oh shit." He said much closer to me. I opened my eyes to see him crouching down in front of me holding onto the pole supporting the bunks.

"You'd better get out of here before someone sees you." I said.

"Shut up, I'll stay if I want to."

"Fine."

"What was it anyway?" I didn't really know so I just shrugged as an answer to his question.

"Can you please just talk about something else? Distract me." I asked him.

He thought for a moment before a smile played on his mouth. "I got a letter today."

I looked up at him.

"It's from…_her_." He said grinning from ear to ear.

"I thought that she didn't know you were here."

"She doesn't. She gave it to her dad and he gave it to my dad. She said…well why don't I just read it?" I was definitely distracted now.

He started reading.

_Dear Jacob,_

_I don't know if you will get this letter or not, it seems that our fathers are trying to play some sort of game with me to keep me from speaking to you. I finally convinced my dad to get this to you. I hope that you are able to respond at least to let me know that you are Ok and to let me know if I should continue to write._

_I miss you so much. You still are the best friend that I have ever had. I hate that my friendships with other people has caused you and I to lose contact._

_Jacob where are you? What happened? I know that Sam, Paul, Embry and Quil are with you. I tried to get information out of Leah and little Seth, but both you and I know how those two are. _

_Not that much has been going on for me. Just living the life with the police chief having ridiculous curfews and rules, just to let you know, you are not allowed in my room anymore. New rules of the house. No boys ever! I'm so sure. Eventually I will get married. I wonder if when we come to visit he will make my husband sleep on the couch! Ha-ha._

_Speaking of boys, I still don't have a boyfriend. Alice says it's because of my lack of style. Rose says it's because I'm not forward enough with guys. If you could see me now, I would be rolling my eyes._

_I shouldn't even joke with you about things like that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't feel the same way for you as you do for me. I wish it was different. You'll make some girl very happy one day Jacob Black, I know it._

_Maybe I should stop here. I don't even know if you will be getting this letter or not. I'd better not let out any of my secrets for fear of my dad reading this instead of getting it to you!_

_Love,_

Jacob didn't finish the letter with her name; he had left it off purposely. He grinned at me and folded up the letter and shoved it back into the envelope.

"Jacob?" A voice growled. Jacob jerked his head in the direction of the doorway and jumped to his feet.

"Later, Cullen." He mumbled before he left the room.

I turned to see who was at the door. It was Paul and he definitely was not happy.

The lights flickered and I stood from my cramped position. I brushed my teeth and splashed water on my face. Eric wandered back in and climbed up into his bunk.

I thought about Ricky. I wondered how he was. Hopefully they would tell us tomorrow.

I kicked my shoes off, pulled my shirt over my head and tossed it over the railing at the end of my bed.

Crawling under my blankets I closed my eyes and tried to imagine _her_ face as I drifted off to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Ok everyone; don't kill me for this chapter. It wasn't all fun and games for Edward in Juvie.**

I couldn't sleep that night. I laid awake staring at…well…nothing. It was pitch black in the cell at night, something that I had never really gotten used to. There was a faint light down at the guard desk, but it didn't reach all the way over to my cell. The lights popped on at 6am, and the cell doors opened.

Today was a shower day, thank God. I was a mess from yesterday and from lack of sleep. The shower hall was a large room with several partitions the size of a restroom stall. Amazingly it was more private than the locker room at school, where you stood in a large room with shower heads sticking out of the wall. I guess that with the age group of the guys and the fact that they had pedophilic guards watching our every move, they decided that a 3-wall shower was the way to go. Any modesty that I may have had prior to being here had quickly faded. There's nothing in the world like being in a room full of thirty naked ass guys four times a week to shed you of all dignity.

After showering and getting a change of clothes, I headed in to get breakfast. Crap, today is Monday, burnt waffle day. I don't know how this place can burn waffles _every_ Monday. It's just not that complicated of a thing to cook. I slid through the line and headed over to sit at my empty table.

As I was drowning the waffle that threatened to scrape my gums raw with syrup, Eric sat down across from me.

"Did you hear what happened?" Eric said in a rushed voice.

"No what?" I said in an equally excited voice and then rolled my eyes.

"Don't be a dick," he said, "That kid Ricky died last night at the hospital!"

The room spun around once and my eyes refocused on Eric. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, a guy that works with the Doc told me this morning. Sad, huh?"

Before I even knew what I was doing, my tray of food was halfway across the room and I was shoving kids left and right to remove myself from the cafeteria. On my way to wherever I was going I passed the admin area where I was brought in on my first day. I hefted one of the chairs in the hallway over my head and smashed it against the window that looked out into the cell block. The window broke into little pieces like a car windshield, but the chair bounced back towards me when it hit the wire grid that was imbedded inside the glass.

The whole way down the hall, I was yelling and shoving anything that was in the way. I kicked the panic bar on the door that lead out into the yard, and the door flew open.

I started running. Once I hit the fence at the far end of the field I realized that there was nowhere to go, so I ran along the fence until another one stopped me. My fingers went through the chain-links and I shook the fence, willing it to open and let me go. My legs grew weak and I collapsed to the ground on my knees, my hands still grasping the fence. My breathing was ragged and coming in short gasps.

I don't know how long I sat there. It started raining at some point, but I refused to move. A couple of sets of hands removed my fingers from the fence and pulled me to my feet. They were talking, but I didn't hear them. I closed my eyes and let them lead me inside. I was barely aware of what was happening to me. I know that I was in the infirmary and that someone had stripped me of my wet clothes.

I opened my eyes to see Payne and the Doc talking to one another several feet away from me. I sat up in bed and noticed that I was only in my boxers. I searched the room to find a folded pile of clothes on a chair next to my bed. My chest tightened when I thought of how they even got there. They had already replaced Ricky's duties with another inmate.

I dressed undetected by Payne or the Doc and left the room. I didn't know where to go. I just wanted to be left alone. I ended up in the library, and sunk down into the back corner of the room.

How could I live with myself now? How could I face my family?

I just fucking killed somebody.

Someone has just died because of my stupidity.

I was a murderer.

I wished that I had kept those remaining six pills so that I could have the same fate as Ricky, I deserved no less.

The lights flashed overhead signaling the end of the day. I stayed in the library; I didn't have the energy or will to move.

I hadn't eaten all day and my stomach was rumbling. I figured if I stayed here long enough I would die of dehydration and starvation. That would be a strange way to go, I mean, who just sits around and waits for death to take them, especially if you have the means to survive?

But that would be too easy. I deserved worse.

So I began to plan my own murder. My state of mind was weak; I wanted nothing more than to die at this moment.

I could slit my wrists, but that was too cliché. Plus where would I get a razor blade at this time of night?

Hanging? That would be worse than the wrist cutting. How many movies and TV shows have a guy hang himself in jail? Too many.

Suffocation? I was pretty sure I couldn't hold a pillow over my face long enough to stop breathing. And I know that I couldn't drown myself, I couldn't purposely hold myself underwater. Nope, those two ways would need an accomplice.

Could I spike my Tab with liquid Drano? Do they even make Tab anymore?

I didn't have the means or the time to waste to contract a terminal disease, so that was out.

Jumping from a high place? What if I survived? There would be no guarantee of death that way. There was not a high enough building here to even try.

Electrocution? No toasters, no bathtubs.

Explosives? Meh, too complicated. I would have to collect too many things to prepare to make some sort of explosive. It would take too long to prepare and I would probably have talked myself out of it by then.

There was only one choice and it would be easy.

I pulled myself off the floor and made my way to my destination. I had to keep my mission stealthy. The lights were out, but there were several dim lights illuminating the hallways.

Once I made it to the right place, I found a decent length of hose and some rags and went to work preparing the means to my demise.

I got everything settled and sealed up the best that I could and started the engine. I closed my eyes and let the Carbon Monoxide fill the inside of the car. This would be a simple death, just like falling asleep. Though it should have been a painful agony filled death, I really didn't have the time.

My eyes were closed, but I could sense movement all around me. There was something up my nose, I tried to bat it away, but I couldn't move my arms.

"Edward? Do you hear me?" a familiar voice said. "Wake up son."

My eyes opened a fraction before slamming shut again with just the weight of my eyelids. "Where am I?" I whispered because my throat was raw.

"You're at the hospital. Do you remember what happened?"

I moved my head slowly from side to side, but then my brain flooded my sight with the events of yesterday.

"I'm sorry, Dad. I didn't mean to." I sobbed talking about Ricky not myself.

They kept me locked in the hospital for three days. My father was there the entire time trying to figure me out. Dr. Johnson was in and out of the room also. I just stayed silent. It seemed that they didn't know the reason for my mental instability; they didn't know my involvement with the death of another person. They didn't know me at all.

I was allowed to return to Meadowlands, but I was watched like a hawk. Eric didn't talk to me for fear of me lashing out. Even Jacob kept his distance. I could see the disappointment in his face when he looked at me. He probably wished that I had succeeded.

I was released from my tutoring duties. I guess they didn't want any other murders to take place.

My appointments with Dr. Johnson had increased to three times a week and today was my first one since the 'attempt'.

I walked into the office and sat in my usual chair, but instead of Dr. Johnson sitting at the desk there was a different but familiar face.

"Hello Edward," he said folding his hands on the desk. "Do you remember me?"

Fuck yeah I remember you. What kind of game is being played here?

"Carlisle suggested that I take over your therapy sessions for now on. How does that sound?"

It sounds like a crock of shit. If my father thinks that I will even speak to this guy he's got another thing coming. He was just sent here to spy on me.

"I know what you're thinking; I'm not here to spy on you." Freaky.

"I'm here for you to talk to. As your Doctor, I cannot disclose anything you say to me to anyone. It's just you and me here." Yeah, right.

I found myself lifting out of my seat and heading for the door. I turned and glared in Dr. Price's direction before wrenching the door open and storming out of the room.


End file.
